Time: 10:12 pm
Current mood: Down
Listening to: If I Fall by Aqualung
I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know what I'm saying.
I don't know where I'm going.
But I do know I've been lonely since my life began.
And I'm not ready for peace.
Sunday 31 January 2010
Saturday 30 January 2010
Bubble Wrap!
Time: 08:01 pm
Current mood: In Between
Listening to: The Boxer by Simon & Garfunkel
We worry about breaking delicate things.
Do we know we are more fragile than those objects?
Do we know we can shatter at any second?
We are the easiest thing to break.
I'm already cracked.
Current mood: In Between
Listening to: The Boxer by Simon & Garfunkel
We worry about breaking delicate things.
Do we know we are more fragile than those objects?
Do we know we can shatter at any second?
We are the easiest thing to break.
I'm already cracked.
Party!
Time: 7:27 pm
Current mood: In Between
Listening to: Please Be Patient With Me by Wilco
Bipolar allows me to feel everything.
My feelings are intensified.
I get no time to rest..
But I live with my heart on my sleeve.
I live.
Current mood: In Between
Listening to: Please Be Patient With Me by Wilco
Bipolar allows me to feel everything.
My feelings are intensified.
I get no time to rest..
But I live with my heart on my sleeve.
I live.
Friday 29 January 2010
Betrayal!
Time: 7:57 pm
Current mood: Down
Listening to: It's All In Your Mind by Beck
People don't care that you're sick anymore.
They get to be tired of it. Fed up of it. Ignore it.
Because they can.
It's hard for them to understand you’re not sick like they get sick.
I have first hand experience.
Current mood: Down
Listening to: It's All In Your Mind by Beck
People don't care that you're sick anymore.
They get to be tired of it. Fed up of it. Ignore it.
Because they can.
It's hard for them to understand you’re not sick like they get sick.
I have first hand experience.
Bribe!
Time: 7:15 pm
Current mood: Going Down
Listening to: Desperado by The Carpenters
Do I really believe in god?
Or am I just desperate?
I need someone to put me out of this misery. To help me.
I would believe in anything.
To make my life better.
Current mood: Going Down
Listening to: Desperado by The Carpenters
Do I really believe in god?
Or am I just desperate?
I need someone to put me out of this misery. To help me.
I would believe in anything.
To make my life better.
Switch!
Time: 7:07 pm
Current mood: Hard to tell
Listening to: Death Is The Easy Way by My Morning Jacket
You want to unsettle someone?
Reward and chastise them without reason.
Confuses them. Tease them. Tantalize.
My disease is just like that.
Current mood: Hard to tell
Listening to: Death Is The Easy Way by My Morning Jacket
You want to unsettle someone?
Reward and chastise them without reason.
Confuses them. Tease them. Tantalize.
My disease is just like that.
Thursday 28 January 2010
Knock Knock!
Time: 9:40 pm
Current mood: Down
Listening to: Mon Enfant (My Child) by George Winston
I'm not happy!
And when I think I'm happy, instead of enjoying it, I feel terrified about what comes next.
I have no chance to being happy at this point.
And I'm not happy!
Current mood: Down
Listening to: Mon Enfant (My Child) by George Winston
I'm not happy!
And when I think I'm happy, instead of enjoying it, I feel terrified about what comes next.
I have no chance to being happy at this point.
And I'm not happy!
Wednesday 27 January 2010
Born Again!
Time: 09:04 pm
Current mood: Down
Listening to: Silent All These Years by Tori Amos
The decision to die is the last tough decision one has to make.
The actual death will be easy.
All one has to do is not fight the pain.
Peace.
Current mood: Down
Listening to: Silent All These Years by Tori Amos
The decision to die is the last tough decision one has to make.
The actual death will be easy.
All one has to do is not fight the pain.
Peace.
Leaning Tower of ....
Time: 06:19 pm
Current mood: Slowly getting there...
Listening to: Gran Torino by Jamie Cullum
I always have a busy mind.
It’s almost impossible to catch me in moments when I’m not thinking.
I’m just hopelessly unstable.
Current mood: Slowly getting there...
Listening to: Gran Torino by Jamie Cullum
I always have a busy mind.
It’s almost impossible to catch me in moments when I’m not thinking.
I’m just hopelessly unstable.
Trigger!
Time: 01:19 pm
Current mood: Struggling
Listening to: Take Care by Big Star
If there was ever a set off word for me, it would be ‘used’.
I hate being ‘used’.
It’s not like I’ve never ‘used’ anyone.
But I don't like it. And I try to avoid it.
As much as I can.
Current mood: Struggling
Listening to: Take Care by Big Star
If there was ever a set off word for me, it would be ‘used’.
I hate being ‘used’.
It’s not like I’ve never ‘used’ anyone.
But I don't like it. And I try to avoid it.
As much as I can.
Tuesday 26 January 2010
Matrix
Time: 11:04 pm
Current mood: Down
Listening to: Too Much Love Will Kill You by Queen
I am a dreamer.
My dreams, I must say, are much better than what happens in my real life.
Is that sad?
Current mood: Down
Listening to: Too Much Love Will Kill You by Queen
I am a dreamer.
My dreams, I must say, are much better than what happens in my real life.
Is that sad?
Grade F
Time: 08:41 pm
Current mood: In between
Listening to: Travelling Like The Light by VV Brown
I know everything.
Except…
… how to get better.
So what good am i?
Current mood: In between
Listening to: Travelling Like The Light by VV Brown
I know everything.
Except…
… how to get better.
So what good am i?
Map?
Time: 01:29 pm
Current mood: Down
Listening to: Everything Goes by Club 8
Life is stupid. It's too hard.
I feel like I'm constantly chasing an expanding horizon.
Don't know where I'm going, and I don't know how to get there.
Current mood: Down
Listening to: Everything Goes by Club 8
Life is stupid. It's too hard.
I feel like I'm constantly chasing an expanding horizon.
Don't know where I'm going, and I don't know how to get there.
Design!
Time: 12:23 pm
Current mood: Spiraling
Listening to: Sylvia Plath by Ryan Adams
How can you dry your eyes and still keep the pain?
If I can ask God for one thing, I would insist on seeing the blueprint.
Current mood: Spiraling
Listening to: Sylvia Plath by Ryan Adams
How can you dry your eyes and still keep the pain?
If I can ask God for one thing, I would insist on seeing the blueprint.
Monday 25 January 2010
Merry-go-round!
Time: 11:54 pm
Current mood: Can't be bothered
Listening to: Baby, I'm Not Sure If This I.. by Club 8
Depression.
Pain.
Death…
Depression.
Pain.
Death...
None of us will live forever. So, is it pointless to try?
Current mood: Can't be bothered
Listening to: Baby, I'm Not Sure If This I.. by Club 8
Depression.
Pain.
Death…
Depression.
Pain.
Death...
None of us will live forever. So, is it pointless to try?
Oxygen
Time: 11:22 pm
Current mood: Can't be bothered
Listening to: Angel In the Snow by Elliot Smith
It’s amazing how low your expectations can get. I no longer expect to be happy.
Being crazy takes a lot out of you.
I wish anything made the air clean so I could breathe again.
Current mood: Can't be bothered
Listening to: Angel In the Snow by Elliot Smith
It’s amazing how low your expectations can get. I no longer expect to be happy.
Being crazy takes a lot out of you.
I wish anything made the air clean so I could breathe again.
Remote Control!
Time: 05:41 pm
Current mood: Wanna Die
Listening to: Hotel Room by Richard Hawley
When someone calls me brilliant it makes me cry.
Because it doesn't make me feel any better.
It doesn't take away the pain.
It doesn't take away the sadness.
Can someone make me stop?
Current mood: Wanna Die
Listening to: Hotel Room by Richard Hawley
When someone calls me brilliant it makes me cry.
Because it doesn't make me feel any better.
It doesn't take away the pain.
It doesn't take away the sadness.
Can someone make me stop?
Sunday 24 January 2010
Give up!
Time: 12:15 pm
Current mood: Down
Listening to: Harder Now That It's Over by Ryan Adams
I'm so sad.
And so tired.
And so tired, of being sad.
I don't know what's going to happen when I wake up.
I don't know if I can do it.
Current mood: Down
Listening to: Harder Now That It's Over by Ryan Adams
I'm so sad.
And so tired.
And so tired, of being sad.
I don't know what's going to happen when I wake up.
I don't know if I can do it.
Chinese DVD
Time: 11:55 am
Current mood: Going Down
Listening to: Spiralling by Antony and the Johnsons
I pretend to be normal.
I pretend to be well.
I pretend to be happy.
I pretend to be all that I’m not.
I’m a great pretender!
Current mood: Going Down
Listening to: Spiralling by Antony and the Johnsons
I pretend to be normal.
I pretend to be well.
I pretend to be happy.
I pretend to be all that I’m not.
I’m a great pretender!
365
Time: 11:15 am
Current mood: Up & Down
Listening to: We Never Change by Coldplay
I am irritated.
Most of the time. Without fail.
Angry.
To be alive.
Current mood: Up & Down
Listening to: We Never Change by Coldplay
I am irritated.
Most of the time. Without fail.
Angry.
To be alive.
Saturday 23 January 2010
Gladiator!
Time: 02:33 pm
Current mood: Indifferent
Listening to: Ain't No Cure For Love by Leonard Cohen
Everything is so alive, yet I'm dead inside.
I spiral downward, faster and faster.
My sad existence is slowly fading.
I'm still fighting, as I refuse to end.
Current mood: Indifferent
Listening to: Ain't No Cure For Love by Leonard Cohen
Everything is so alive, yet I'm dead inside.
I spiral downward, faster and faster.
My sad existence is slowly fading.
I'm still fighting, as I refuse to end.
John Doe
Time: 10:18 pm
Current mood: Rockbottom
Listening to: Suicide Is Painless by Keren Ann
Sometimes I feel uncomfortable because I'm insecure about who I am.
I am almost impossible, holding on to thoughts when other things seem to have more meaning.
My pain is my down.
Current mood: Rockbottom
Listening to: Suicide Is Painless by Keren Ann
Sometimes I feel uncomfortable because I'm insecure about who I am.
I am almost impossible, holding on to thoughts when other things seem to have more meaning.
My pain is my down.
One Destination!
Time: 09:30 pm
Current mood: Unbearable
Listening to: Innocent World by Joseph Arthur
Safety. Security.
Love. Peace.
Goal. Ambition.
Husband. Wife.
Temporary.
Current mood: Unbearable
Listening to: Innocent World by Joseph Arthur
Safety. Security.
Love. Peace.
Goal. Ambition.
Husband. Wife.
Temporary.
Gollum
Time: 06:39 pm
Current mood: Almost Rockbottom
Listening to: Is There A Ghost by Band Of Horses
Do I really need to drug myself to stay alive? I can’t help but feel this way.
It feels like a long day and it's not ending yet.
I am hearing a little voice in my head.
Is that you again?
Current mood: Almost Rockbottom
Listening to: Is There A Ghost by Band Of Horses
Do I really need to drug myself to stay alive? I can’t help but feel this way.
It feels like a long day and it's not ending yet.
I am hearing a little voice in my head.
Is that you again?
IQ 60
Time: 03:03 pm
Current mood: Down Square
Listening to: My Broken Heart by Noah & The Whales
Do I have to do this for the rest of my life? All in the name of hope?
Sometimes i wish i was really stupid.
Because it isn't our problem that makes us miserable. It's all the thinking that comes along.
Current mood: Down Square
Listening to: My Broken Heart by Noah & The Whales
Do I have to do this for the rest of my life? All in the name of hope?
Sometimes i wish i was really stupid.
Because it isn't our problem that makes us miserable. It's all the thinking that comes along.
Still Standing!
Time: 02:33 pm
Current mood: Down
Listening to: All We Ever Do Is Say Goodbye by John Mayer
The curse is on me. The curse is on my brain.
I can’t think. In my mind I am unable to finish a sentence.
I wish I was dead but the feeling isn't active yet.
Current mood: Down
Listening to: All We Ever Do Is Say Goodbye by John Mayer
The curse is on me. The curse is on my brain.
I can’t think. In my mind I am unable to finish a sentence.
I wish I was dead but the feeling isn't active yet.
Discount?
Time: 02:00 pm
Current mood: Going Down
Listening to: Driftwood by Travis
Isolated?
That's an understatement.
I never know what kind of mood i'm going to be in.
I have only one life to live. Can i buy some peace?
Current mood: Going Down
Listening to: Driftwood by Travis
Isolated?
That's an understatement.
I never know what kind of mood i'm going to be in.
I have only one life to live. Can i buy some peace?
Friday 22 January 2010
One Two... One Two...
Time: 11:12 pm
Current mood: Low
Listening to: The Child Is Gone by Fiona Apple
Inhale…
Exhale…
Tomorrow is another day. Or not.
Current mood: Low
Listening to: The Child Is Gone by Fiona Apple
Inhale…
Exhale…
Tomorrow is another day. Or not.
Crash & Burn
Time: 10:18 pm
Current mood: Unclear
Listening to: Cold Hearts by Club 8
I’m afraid to leave my room. I’m slowly starting to crash.
I cannot eat anything. I am living off cereal. It’s the only thing I trust right now.
I feel like I am hanging by a thread.
Current mood: Unclear
Listening to: Cold Hearts by Club 8
I’m afraid to leave my room. I’m slowly starting to crash.
I cannot eat anything. I am living off cereal. It’s the only thing I trust right now.
I feel like I am hanging by a thread.
Round & Round
Time: 05:12 pm
Current mood: Down
Listening to: There Must Be More To Life Than This by Freddie Mercury
Confused. Stressed. Frustrated.
Wish 2012 could happen now.
I don’t even know if I want help anymore.
And round we go. Like a cat stuck in a wheel.
Current mood: Down
Listening to: There Must Be More To Life Than This by Freddie Mercury
Confused. Stressed. Frustrated.
Wish 2012 could happen now.
I don’t even know if I want help anymore.
And round we go. Like a cat stuck in a wheel.
Now!
Time: 04:18 pm
Current mood: Slowly Going Down
Listening to: Don’t Cry by Guns N’ Roses
It’s all happening in my head. Like you do a dream, except I’m wide-awake.
There’s a little voice in my head.
Overdose. Jump. Hang.
If I have to live with feeling like this, and no matter what the future holds, I don’t want it.
Current mood: Slowly Going Down
Listening to: Don’t Cry by Guns N’ Roses
It’s all happening in my head. Like you do a dream, except I’m wide-awake.
There’s a little voice in my head.
Overdose. Jump. Hang.
If I have to live with feeling like this, and no matter what the future holds, I don’t want it.
